Rumblings

My own little journal is what this site has become. A place where I can create and just write. I never figured out, in my pragmatic way of thinking, why people liked writing and reading blogs so much. I think I get it a little more. I get to create and even sort through some of my own thoughts.

Do you all ever feel like you are swimming in a sea of thoughts? I feel that way now...there is SO much going on in my life with what I do, pain in the lives of people I love, and even dreams about where God's Church could go. What a privilege that God gives us to be so involved in life. We are not spectators, we are contributers to the way that the world shapes. Even beyond that, we are called to tell people about a Truth beyond our grasp. That Jesus was fully God, yet fully Man. That we would be forever separated from God without Jesus. That we participated in His death and resurrection. That the Spirit of God lives in the bodies of people who have chosen to fully give themselves to a connection to Christ.

How did I ever even get here? I mean, honestly! I am participating in a Truth I have no business even talking about. People want evidence for God, right? People think that fiaht is something that they can't grasp. Well, I think it has to begin with seeing it in the lives of the people that God has changed. You want evidence, look at me. God has turned my life on its head...I have gone from sexually addicted to leading others to healing in their own view and participation in sexuality. I have gone from pride to brokenness and humility, and yet, I have never been more filled with joy. I pray for things and they happen. God takes requests that
Kevin Lindsay Armstrong makes and turns them into reality. I have an opportunity to read about God, to experience Him in how the Holy Spirit communicates to me or stirs in my heart, I KNOW that no matter what I go through in this life I will have every tear wiped from my eyes and be with God forever.

This blog is called "Family." That is an interesting name for it given that no one from my family has ever commented on an entry...for all I know they have never even read one. That is OK, they don't need to. Yet, this is still the prayer that my spirit cries out to God as I write this: that my family would all be rescues out of their own personal despair to a real, vibrant, humble relationship with Jesus and with their true father, God. So, years from now, when someone from my family reads this, know that God is real, that prayer in powerful, and that faith is reckless in the world's eyes, but exhilarating in God's.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21.3-4

I want the old order to pass away. I want it to pass away for all of my family. Yet, it has to begin with a humble pursuit of and reliance on God. I pray that we, as a family, will be there one day...

It's all on fire

A poem about Kenya and about heaven...it's a little odd how I feel similarly about both.
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How do I explain the feeling of burning alive?
What makes you angry makes me enraged. What makes you sad makes me weep.
I would invite you into this world but I don't think you would walk in it.
You would get tired, you would run away.
Who will stay and fight not for us but for them?
The kids with no names, empty stares. Zombies.

What can I do with the burning? Will it burn with no end?
I walk from the fire but the beautiful scars are always there.
I never see the same, I always walk with a limp, and I love it.
So I ask when I can burn again, when can the fire consume all of me:
I hear wait.
I wait but it's all on fire and the overwhelming pain beckons me.
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This is probably why something so real as a relationship with Jesus can be so confusing...just a real thought in the midst of reading something more than a book...

Who's there?

I'm not really sure if anyone is even reading these posts, but I love writing them. What a beautiful collection of testimonies of God, all parts of Him, and how He has interacted throughout history. Do we have anything that is more profound? Do we have anything that connects us to a bigger story? I don't even think that's a fair question to ask as He who is everything has used our languages to tell us about Him.

That's pretty much how John starts too in chapter 1 (by the way, did you know that these were books meant to be read aloud in their entirety and had no chapter references until the 1500s? Try reading these books without chapter references and know that they would be read aloud...it totally changes how you experience the words on the page). Anyway, John just jumps into the first chapter with a bold, powerful entrance to Jesus being God, but now being known by the world. There is no slow build up...and it really seems to reflect the passionate love that John seems to have. It is a huge theme of his gospel account...the passionate love of Christ for us, a very personal and powerful introduction to the person of Jesus.

Chapter 2 then tells the story of the wedding in Cana where Jesus turns water to wine. It seems from the dialogue that John includes that Jesus didn't think that this was where his ministry should begin, but he loved his mom and valued what she valued. So, he did this miracle that is amazingly unimportant when put up against his other miracles of giving blind people sight and even raising people from the dead! He turned water into wine! Big deal! Yet, it also gives us a context to understand Jesus later on too when he talks about if anyone is to follow him he must forsake/leave his father and mother...it's the same idea that is spoken of in marriage. We start a new relationship, you never stop honoring and loving them, but you begin a relationship that is all your own and you now go where God commands. I'm not sure if that is why John includes this story when no one else talks about it, but it does bring home a certain point that Jesus loved his mother and even turns over the tables in the temple in front of his family, who we learn at different times did not really like what he was doing or what he was saying.

What an interesting context. I'd love to hear if you all have any thoughts...family is so important, and there are few other people that we are called by God to "honor" apart from our parents, but our ultimate allegiance needs to be to Christ. Does this make sense? Does it seem anti-family?

Getting into it

Then there is family. We are a family that deeply loves one another. As a result we have a much deeper impact on each other's lives...it's as though we have a direct pipeline to one another's hearts. We have seen each other grow up, accomplish much and fail in much.
That is why I think we have such a great opportunity to connect a deeply personal subject to deeply personal relationships. It just doesn't make sense to me that we don't talk about our faith in God.

So...why not start a place like this? My plan is to post something every other week, maybe just a series of chapters from the Bible, maybe just cool thoughts, maybe I don't really know what this will end up becoming. Each week though we can post comments and read the same parts of the Bible and discuss something so personal.

What do you think?

Let's just read John 1 (This is the Gospel account, not one of John's letters)-What is that first part even talking about? Why use the light vs. darkness word picture? What is this even saying about Jesus? Why did the apostle John even start his account of the life of Jesus this way? Do you have any questions yourself?

Feel free to make any comments or ask any questions...or even try to answer questions that other people put up. I'm really excited to grow in our faith together...